J.D.:
Hey, Ms. Miller -- we just need a stool sample

Patti:
Why do you need a stool sample if you think I'm just a nut?

Turk & JD:
'Cause the answer's not in your head, my dear -- it's in your butt!

J.D.:
You see....
Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what's wrong with you by lookin' at your poo!
Turk?

Turk:
Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!

J.D.:
It doesn't really matter if it's hard or if it's loose
We'll figure out what's ailing you, as long as it's a deuce!
Yes!
Everything comes down to poo!

Nurses:
Everything comes down to poo!

J.D.:
Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too!
All across the nation, we trust in defecation!
Everything comes down to poo!

Turk:
If you want to know what's wrong, don't sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bran, and